


I know you, (but I don't.)

by Mothman_plays_the_drums



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Abandoned towns, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But It'll Be Okay, Hongjoong just has a rough time man, M/M, the major character death is not in the present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25891498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothman_plays_the_drums/pseuds/Mothman_plays_the_drums
Summary: The abandoned town of Gilman, Colorado sets a bucket of stones in Hongjoong's stomach, and he doesn't know why until he begins to see things.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	I know you, (but I don't.)

**Author's Note:**

> So this one is one I'm super proud of, it's inspired by my actual experience hiking into Gilman, Colorado. It's a really interesting place, and if you haven't heard of it, I really encourage you to check it out! The whole place was haunting, and this (I hope,) was a pretty faithful recreation of the feelings you get when you come there (minus the hallucinations, hopefully.)

Hongjoong had no idea why his heart filled with lead at the site of the abandoned mining town. He'd never been, and the mountain air and peaceful quiet as his friends stared in awe should've given him some kind of reason to relax, but his body remained stiff and vigil. The main streets brought him anxiety, the houses near physical pain, the view…

The view reminded him of something he was sure he'd never seen or experienced before. 

In the grass, he rolled with a boy with dyed blonde hair (that somehow Hongjoong knew his mother was absolutely livid about.) The boy held Hongjoong at the waist, and his giggle filled the air like the songs the bluebirds sang, if the beauty of his laugh were even comparable to the birds.

No bluebirds sang in this town, and there was no bleach blond boy. When Hongjoong came to, his eyes brimmed with tears, for some unknown reason. He turned away from the mountain, and willfully forgot how eerie and heartbreaking it was that the bluebirds no longer sang.

The mine had some kind of feeling to it, like it knew what it'd started, or rather, what the humans made it start. He looked at it with awe, even if the pit in his stomach continued to grow. Still, he felt as if he'd been there before, even as he got lost even outside the looming building. 

His gut was begging him not to enter, even as his friends walked in with the same nonchalance they sauntered into this town with. 

"Joong!" Yunho called, "check this out! It's so fucking cool!" 

"Joong." 

Hongjoong flipped in the boy's arms to finally look at him. 

So they had been lovers. 

And the boy knew his name. 

"Keep awake just a bit longer. The shooting stars will come." 

The roof of the mine wasn't their place specifically, they had their spot, but this roof was perfect for their intentions. Hongjoong stopped caring just how high they were. His fear dissipated in this boy's arms. He didn't know why he cared so much about a meteor shower, Hongjoong had never cared about space, but the way this pretty boy smiled answered that question for him. 

He truly was an ethereal being.

That unsettled his stomach even more.

being inside was a whole new nightmare. It's sent a roil of anxiety through his stomach and nauseous uneasiness up his throat. the elevators haunted the space, and somehow, no one around him looked as affected as Hongjoong felt.

"I've been waitin' for an eternity." It was written on a wall, in bright red paint.

The hollow heart that had followed him hit once again, at full force. He'd known that before. Once, he'd heard those words filled with longing and love. When was the last time Hongjoong felt love like that?

"Can I kiss you, Seonghwa, please? We don't have to tell anyone! I promise!" 

"Hongjoong…" the boy, Seonghwa was what he'd called him, was conflicted, and he looked so… soft, despite it all. Maybe he was biased because the boy was carressing his face and oh, Hongjoong realized, I am so touch starved. "You know, I've been waiting an eternity for you to ask." 

"But.." Hong sounded disappointed, Joong could understand. 

"You know what they'll think, baby," Seonghwa whispered, "you… you know what kinda times we're livin' in, and- and if you really still want this- even with knowin' what might happen if we get caught… I know I'd love nothin' more than to be yours." 

Hongjoong felt shaky. Even as he stepped around the big building, he felt like the spot was too familiar, like it brought back memories he didn't even think he had- memories he knew he never had, because the clothes this elusive Seonghwa wore were too old for Hongjoong to have ever been alive. 

He stepped into a room, following Yunho and Mingi. It didn't have much, some benches, a water fountain layed further down the small hallway, and on the wall, there was some kind of bulletin board with hooks upon hooks upon hooks. He vaguely registered Mingi commenting that they must've been where the Miners picked up and put away their name tags.

Hongjoong checked out on listening as he read the half assed graffiti on the wall, refering to the hooks.

Good times?

It was as if the building was taunting him. 

He stood in horror at the words on the wall, heart hammering, mind begging and pleading for an answer to anything he felt. 

Were they good times?

Did Hongjoong know them? 

Did those Miners know they were ruining their homes?

What was it that made him so fucking scared?

"Hey, Joong, you okay?" Yunho looked concerned, portraying that Hongjoong was doing a terrible job pretending he wasn't as nauseous as he was. 

Silently, Joong nodded, but moved along in an attempt to get away from the graffiti.

The little water fountain was cute, and it had writing on it that Hongjoong became a tad fond of.

"If you were here, you would've pretended to drink out of this and I would've laughed, and made you do it again, because it was funny," the blue haired boy read, a small chuckle accompanied by the end of it, "that sounds like something someone I know would write. Not quite sure who."

"Maybe San?" Mingi followed Joong, standing behind him as he stared at the writing.

"No," Yunho commented, "he would've drawn a dick on it. That's more of a…" Yunho paused, his camera clicking and capturing the hallway they stood in. "Actually, I dunno either." 

And even there, at the light hearted claim Yunho made, Hongjoong's blood ran cold. 

He quickly left the old miner's building after that, Yunho and Mingi following behind, worried. 

Finally, Yunho stopped him from walking too far. "Hey, Kim Hongjoong. Back to earth, please. Sit down and drink some water. You look sick."

And Hongjoong complied, if not kind of unwittingly. He just needed to calm down, maybe all of the things he was seeing were just- what, hallucinations? Probably from the long hike to get to the town and going through it. He took the water Yunho offered him with a mumbled, "thanks," and stared at the ground. 

"How are you feeling?" Mingi asked from the other side of Yunho. Hongjoong finally looked up at his two friends, at their worried faces and how they'd obviously been looking at him for awhile. 

"Y'know, maybe we should go, "Yunho mumbled to Mingi more than his smaller friend, "Hongjoong isn't looking so good, maybe we should just rest here and then g-" 

"No." 

Yunho and Mingi's conversation stopped there, staring wide eyed at the short, grave response from Hongjoong. 

"I wanna finish the trip," he mumbled before taking another sip of his water, "there's only a couple of roads left. I'll be fine." 

His friends looked… thoroughly concerned, to say the least, but they agreed nonetheless.

Thus, after Yunho mandated Hongjoong sit down and relax for thirty minutes, the three made their way down to the final two streets. 

It was simply two rows of houses. All of them were painted pretty colors at one point, pinks and blues and greens. It was a weird reminder that at one point this town had been marketed to people. 

The small yellow house just past a small streetlight made Hongjoong freeze. 

That wasn't the right word. He certainly was moving towards it. He only felt frozen.

Who's home was that, so long ago? Were they still alive? Who had they been before the town was evacuated?

He felt like he was going to collapse. 

"Seonghwa! Seonghwa, no... No, no, please..."

But who was Seonghwa? Why did the name fuck up his heart in so many ways and why didn't he fucking remember?

"Hey." That wasn't Yunho's voice. That was also not Mingi's voice. 

Hongjoong refused to look. 

He recognized the voice and he shouldn't have, because he was sure he'd never met this boy in his life. He was certain.

Gentle fingers grazed his forearms, and every instinct he had told him to reciprocate the touch, to return to this man he'd never lost. "Hey," he said again, "are you okay? You seem- are you dizzy? Please, sit down."

Finally, Hongjoong looked, and oh, this was bad.

He'd seen that boy in his hallucinations. 

"S- you- your name-" he couldn't find the right words for what exactly made him so scared. He couldn't find air, nor the will to move toward or away from the man. He knew he was going to hyperventilate. Maybe he was crying. Everything around him faded into his subconscious, and his focused centered on this boy. Seonghwa.

"Hey, no- don't panic, okay? My name is Seonghwa. Did you come alone? What's wrong?" 

"Hongjoong!" Yunho's yell pierced the air as he came running up behind Hongjoong. "Who the fuck are you? What'd you do to him?" 

"I didn't do anything, I promise! I'm just here exploring- he looks sick- or- or panicked, or something- I wanna help!"

"I... Hm... Mingi!"

Mingi soon followed Yunho, taking Hongjoong by the arm, carefully, just in case he fell. 

"I… I think we should get him out of here. He's been a little concerning, since we hit the mines."

"Oh- okay, uhm- can I help? In any way?" The boy looked so soft, so worried and upset, and like he'd just been yanked a thousand different ways. Hongjoong's heart clenched at the realization that he knew that look.

He knew that look like any lover would know their partner.

"Well- hmm… I guess- me 'n Mingi, we suck with directions, we're gonna need to pay attention to the map, can you- I dunno, can you watch him while we all try to hike back?"

Hongjoong recognized the conflicted look in his eyes before he resolutely nodded. 

They began their trek back to the car. Yunho and Mingi held a steady conversation as they walked, Hongjoong and Seonghwa said nothing.

"It is a little suspicious," Hongjoong heard Yunho speaking like it was in the back of his head, despite him saying those words out loud as they walked, "like, how did they figure out everyone needed to leave? Did the EPA just show up one day and say "yeah, you gotta go?" How did they find out the water was toxic?"

How did they figure out they needed to leave?

That was a dumb question, in Hongjoong's mind, there must've-

Seonghwa layed on the ground, his cup shattered on the floor. He was lifeless, and Hongjoong damn near died with him.

He screamed, and he threw himself to the ground to hold Seonghwa again, to save Seonghwa, to do something. 

"Please," he begged, through sobs and hiccups that cut through the silence of Seonghwa's kitchen like a knife, "Seonghwa, talk to me, please. Seonghwa, wake up! Fuck- I'm so sorry, please. Please, please, please, I k-know- you can, I know you're strong enough- You're so strong. I know that. I… Seonghwa, please!" 

Seonghwa was nowhere to be found. His bright eyes already dulled, his face already paled, his warmth had already faded.

Seonghwa was gone.

Hongjoong would follow, a week later.

Hongjoong's knees hit the ground; he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything but Seonghwa, desperately wrapping his arms around the boy's waist and pulling him close. "Hey," he whispered into Hongjoong's ear, his voice wet as if he were going to cry, "I know, I know what happened, I saw it too. It's okay. I'm right here."

He was right there.

Finally, the bow snapped in Hongjoong. It was like an eruption, the way Hongjoong so suddenly sobbed, gripped Seonghwa's jacket, and finally gave in to his every instinct telling him he needed to come back to the grey haired boy. 

"S-Seong- wh- we- Hwa-" Hongjoong's words were unrecognizable, he only hoped Seonghwa would understand through the way he held onto the boy.

"I know," he cried, softly, "I know, I know. I'm so sorry, I'm right here. I'm okay, I'm right here."

"Missed you- s- so much, Hwa- p-please-" 

"I'm not going anywhere, I'm not, I would never, I promise."

Yunho and Mingi stood ahead of the two in complete shock. They looked back and forth between each other and the two on the ground. An unspoken question hung in the air between the two of them. 

Should they intervene? 

But Hongjoong had never clung to anyone like that. Never. And Yunho, at least, had seen him go through a lot of shit.

So, if Hongjoong decided this stranger was who he needed to cling to, to cry on and whimper over and… and be like he was now, Yunho would let them have their moment.

"Don't let me go- p-please…" Hong mumbled, when he'd finally gained enough coherency to ask. 

"I wouldn't dream of it, baby."

**Author's Note:**

> Comment if you liked it and come yell at me on Twitter! @thestarsnmars if ever you feel like it


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